He loves me, he loves me not

Many a times, we ask God for directions, signs or guidance. Most of the time, we feel it in our hearts, through the holy spirit. Or we hear from God through sudden wisdom in our minds. I'm not a very good listener, and I feel that I have always failed to hear God clearly. Normally, I end up doing what my gut tells me, what I feel like, because I'd like to believe that God leads me through my emotions. This is only so because I am an impatient and impulsive girl who ignores the consequences of her actions and does whatever it takes to meet her heart's content. If God made me so then I'm sure when I let Him be in charged of my emotions, He'll guide me.

Well, even so, I still need to be really really sure that it is God's will for things in my life. So I always make deals with God (more like testing Him) but if I don't do this, how will I ever know? I've always wanted someone who's spiritually strong to tell me something random which answers my prayer but that never happens. So back to the old " Ask and you will be given" - Matthew 7:7 approach.

I did it when I asked God if I should come back to KL. I gave Him a deadline until I was really really sure that it is what I want. And so here I am.

Now, I'm doing it again. Well, it's not the first time I'm asking for wisdom in this issue but, I'd like this to be a confirmation from God. I know if you set your heart on something, you shouldn't listen to other people and just follow your heart. But I really want to hear from God and get His green light. I've resolved to this because I think I'm blinded by love and most likely not able to listen to Him even if He tells me. So here it is, a straight yes/no answer from God through someone else's actions. And I'm still waiting.

If he's worthy in God's eyes and his intentions are pure as the truth he claims, then God will set his heart to make it tonight regardless of the odds he is facing. If he does turn up no matter how late it is and how short the stay is or how untruthful he has been just to make things easier, as long as he shows up, I will set my heart and know that this is God's answer. Then I will always have peace knowing that we will always work out.

Otherwise, let excuses cloud his mind and tempt him to take the easier way out for he is not worthy of this love.

As easy and simple.

I'm not testing God or him, I'm simply asking to hear God's will through his actions and not his words or my feelings. I rather be doing God's will than doing something that is not His plan for me. "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us" - Romans 5:5

And I have hope in the Lord. No matter what the outcome is, I will always praise Him. =)


Amen.