that the Lord hath made
I will rejoice and be glad in it
=)
It's 9am. And it's New Year's eve.
hrmn..thinking bout what's been planned for me tonight which is karaoke in the arvo and then movie at 9pm. But, is this real? Are they going to happen?
Right now, I feel like I'm Cinderella still stuck in her torn rags locked in the room. Not knowing if she can ever make it to the grand ball tonight. Is it a dream?
I know I sound like I'm in disbelief but trust me, I'm not. It's just that, I've been waiting for this day, this night for the past 3 months and the wait has been a very long one indeed. I know it's pretty short compared to other more pressing issues like the coming of the Lord but, really, this has been crazy.
Looking back, I've felt every emotion a desperate, depressed and heartbroken girl could have felt. Even though things are not THAT much better now and even if they are, how sure are you that history will not repeat itself and it's going to be another cycle? Once bitten, twice shy, isn't it? But now, Ive been bitten twice and yet still continue to trust in the Lord that this is how it should be.
No matter what things turn out to be today, this afternoon and night, I just want to thank God for everything. The pain, the lies, the truth, the trust..It's just funny how things can twist and turn a 180degrees and be completely different. Is this God's doing? Obviously.
I hope I have run the race well and finish good. Even though I may not win the prize, knowing that Jesus is with me the whole time and for the years to come, I'm joyful and blessed enough.
"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering..But rejoice that you participate in the suffering of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed..So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good." - 1 Peter 4:12-19
I have made it. I have made it till today.
Thank you Lord. =))))
Showing posts with label perseverance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label perseverance. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Endurance Race
I keep having to remind myself, to have faith, to continue praying and believing, to persevere until my prayers are answered.
I know having to do this means I have little faith because if I really do have faith and trust, I'll be able to stand still and won't bug him as much as I always do. I just can't help feeling like he's slipping off my hands again and I have to grasp harder and stronger so I won't lose him yet again. I feel so helpless and insecure everytime I have this feeling, as if I'm sinking alone. I am so afraid that he'll leave me in vain after seeing my weaknesses but I just can't help showing them to him.
All I have been doing is crying out to the Lord. "Save me! Immediately, Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.'You of little faith,' he said,' why did you doubt?'"- Matthew 14:30-31. Everytime I do so, it reminds me that Jesus does reach out his hand to hold me fast.
I really want to praise God for reassuring me everyday. It's funny because my emotions are like a roller coaster ride everyday. I can be feeling high one moment and the next, absolutely down low. And this happens E V E R Y D A Y. Sometimes I wonder, how long can I keep doing this? How long can I last before I literally drive myself nuts and be locked away in an asylum? Of course I really wish I have a happy ending. But right now, all I can do is keep hoping and praying,hanging on by the thread.
Today's sermon again helped me feel better like how He never fail to. It says "Running to finish well". Simple and beautiful. But it seems so hard to do.
I am comforted by the fact that I am actually half way through the race. I ran away from my problems and regrets before and have now turned to face my fears and the obstacles in front of me. I have also turned to God and cried out to him for help for only He can bring me home, to a safe pasture. All I need to do and keep doing is be patient and endure. At the same time, knowing that there is no turning back or turning away.
"..Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith...Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." - Hebrews 12:1-3
This is among others a confirmation by God to keep holding on to the man I love and see to it the day my prayers are answered will come. I just need to remember to "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to me...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:33-34
I just pray that God will heal the wounds inside me, fill up the holes in my heart and spirit so I don't feel so empty and insecure anymore. Then I do not need to seek him to make me feel complete but instead I can love him more and more each day and be his pillar of support that brings him closer to God. I want to be stronger for him, so that when God works his ways to build us again, we cannot be shaken.
"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. Press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 3:13-14.
Thank you Lord, as always.
Amen.
I know having to do this means I have little faith because if I really do have faith and trust, I'll be able to stand still and won't bug him as much as I always do. I just can't help feeling like he's slipping off my hands again and I have to grasp harder and stronger so I won't lose him yet again. I feel so helpless and insecure everytime I have this feeling, as if I'm sinking alone. I am so afraid that he'll leave me in vain after seeing my weaknesses but I just can't help showing them to him.
All I have been doing is crying out to the Lord. "Save me! Immediately, Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.'You of little faith,' he said,' why did you doubt?'"- Matthew 14:30-31. Everytime I do so, it reminds me that Jesus does reach out his hand to hold me fast.
I really want to praise God for reassuring me everyday. It's funny because my emotions are like a roller coaster ride everyday. I can be feeling high one moment and the next, absolutely down low. And this happens E V E R Y D A Y. Sometimes I wonder, how long can I keep doing this? How long can I last before I literally drive myself nuts and be locked away in an asylum? Of course I really wish I have a happy ending. But right now, all I can do is keep hoping and praying,hanging on by the thread.
Today's sermon again helped me feel better like how He never fail to. It says "Running to finish well". Simple and beautiful. But it seems so hard to do.
I am comforted by the fact that I am actually half way through the race. I ran away from my problems and regrets before and have now turned to face my fears and the obstacles in front of me. I have also turned to God and cried out to him for help for only He can bring me home, to a safe pasture. All I need to do and keep doing is be patient and endure. At the same time, knowing that there is no turning back or turning away.
"..Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith...Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." - Hebrews 12:1-3
This is among others a confirmation by God to keep holding on to the man I love and see to it the day my prayers are answered will come. I just need to remember to "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to me...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:33-34
I just pray that God will heal the wounds inside me, fill up the holes in my heart and spirit so I don't feel so empty and insecure anymore. Then I do not need to seek him to make me feel complete but instead I can love him more and more each day and be his pillar of support that brings him closer to God. I want to be stronger for him, so that when God works his ways to build us again, we cannot be shaken.
"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. Press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 3:13-14.
Thank you Lord, as always.
Amen.
What doesn't kill you
Makes you stronger?
I'd like to believe that.
What do you do when people give you shit? The general reaction would be double that to the person who abused you in the first place. Not only didn't I do that despite my horrible temper, I offered my own face to be slapped willingly and did it with a smile on my face. It wasn't easy. Not at all but I did it anyway.
It hurts me so to know the person I love the most has wronged me. But it hurts me even more when that person knowingly lie about things and then blamed me for being very difficult to be honest with when confronted. Don't you get that a lot? Well, I do.
It's not fair. Not at all. But, fair doesn't solve the issue at hand. Getting your justice won't make the person understand his mistakes and repent. Forgiveness doesn't come freely. To be forgiven you must ask for forgiveness in the first place. I guess I have a bad habit of forgiving people even before they apologize. This consequently encouraged selfishness and insensitivity. Plus that with stress, you've got a bomb on a ticking clock. Anything you do that heats up the temperature a bit and it'll explode right in your face. All this is my fault as I ticked off the bomb by exposing the truth which is hard to handle (else why lie in the first place), right?? Right?
That's how the person sees it anyway. But like my sister told me, this is not the time to find fault and point fingers. If my honesty, truth and confrontation approach is not working then fine, I guess I'll just have to stop it. It doesn't matter who or how you are, it's how you deal with what and how people are.
I'll still stand by you. No matter what or how you have changed into. You're so hurted by the world that you've taken it out on me. But it's ok. "If someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently..Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." - Galatians 6:1-2
I'm wounded but I'll heal. He who is faithful is with me and will carry me. But you, you don't have anyone else but yourself. It hurts me to see you like this. Not of pity, but of love. Love which was given by God himself. "..Since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." - 1 John 4:11-12
And I will love you. I know I always say you're pushing my limit which you are. But I can only continue to pray for God to keep reminding me of His will and strengthening me at the same time.
I really want to see the day you make it. And then I can proclaim "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13. So as long as I can help it, I will push through and soldier on. "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." - Exodus 14:14
I'd like to believe that.
What do you do when people give you shit? The general reaction would be double that to the person who abused you in the first place. Not only didn't I do that despite my horrible temper, I offered my own face to be slapped willingly and did it with a smile on my face. It wasn't easy. Not at all but I did it anyway.
It hurts me so to know the person I love the most has wronged me. But it hurts me even more when that person knowingly lie about things and then blamed me for being very difficult to be honest with when confronted. Don't you get that a lot? Well, I do.
It's not fair. Not at all. But, fair doesn't solve the issue at hand. Getting your justice won't make the person understand his mistakes and repent. Forgiveness doesn't come freely. To be forgiven you must ask for forgiveness in the first place. I guess I have a bad habit of forgiving people even before they apologize. This consequently encouraged selfishness and insensitivity. Plus that with stress, you've got a bomb on a ticking clock. Anything you do that heats up the temperature a bit and it'll explode right in your face. All this is my fault as I ticked off the bomb by exposing the truth which is hard to handle (else why lie in the first place), right?? Right?
That's how the person sees it anyway. But like my sister told me, this is not the time to find fault and point fingers. If my honesty, truth and confrontation approach is not working then fine, I guess I'll just have to stop it. It doesn't matter who or how you are, it's how you deal with what and how people are.
I'll still stand by you. No matter what or how you have changed into. You're so hurted by the world that you've taken it out on me. But it's ok. "If someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently..Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." - Galatians 6:1-2
I'm wounded but I'll heal. He who is faithful is with me and will carry me. But you, you don't have anyone else but yourself. It hurts me to see you like this. Not of pity, but of love. Love which was given by God himself. "..Since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." - 1 John 4:11-12
And I will love you. I know I always say you're pushing my limit which you are. But I can only continue to pray for God to keep reminding me of His will and strengthening me at the same time.
I really want to see the day you make it. And then I can proclaim "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13. So as long as I can help it, I will push through and soldier on. "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." - Exodus 14:14
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
God will make a way
Even when there seemed to be no way.
It was only yesterday when I finally gave in, gave up. Thought I've reached my limit and couldn't go any further.
Someway, somehow, God made it so easy for me to come back in. Not only that, to burn that desire in my heart again, and love unconditionally like how He has taught us.
I have a soft spot and he always seems to know how to get to me on that. Regardless, I got weak and submitted to it instead of spiking him down with fury and wrath. Speaking of spiking, I should really make a point to turn up for volleyball, once a week at least. Haven't been to the Monday Mont Kiara session. Hope it's as good as Saturday's.
Even when I'm burning with anger, he can always wash me down and make me calm. I really wish it's still the same for him. I've been praying so eagerly for him to get that promotion and I really want to see it come to pass. Anytime now, I can feel it =)
Sigh. Poor baby. I just don't understand how there can be so much politics in 1 small company, within the same department? Don't these people know better? Maybe the age group working in that department needs maturity. Yet I shouldn't judge others for I am judged myself.
When he got so upset yesterday, I just wish I could fly to his side and make that pain and resentment in him disappear. I wish I am still the apple of his eyes who could only cheer him up. I want so much for him, but I can only do so little.
"Wait on the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" - Psalm 27:14
I know people always wonder how I can still continue fighting. Fighting for a cause which makes me worse off. Fighting for someone who doesn't seem to be worth it. Well, I know God has put this desire in me and has given me the strength to persevere. Most of all, I know that God is with me and he knows everything I am going through.
"He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." - Psalm 37:6
I just can't wait for the day when I can declare His mighty love and grace. I know I can do that now but it seems more meaningful and joyful for me when I have him in my arms with the knowledge that God has made all this possible and granted me the desire of my heart.
In hindsight, I'm glad this has happened. If he hasn't strayed, I won't know I love him so much to want to find him and bring him back into the light. Even when it means putting in everything and giving all I have to live on. If he hasn't wronged me, I won't know I have God's love in me to forgive and forget and love him in a way that surpasses the knowledge and limit I thought I had. If he hasn't made the mistake, I wouldn't have the courage and strength to step up, to want to restore him gently and also restoring us, which ultimately will bring our relationship to levels beyond like how we've always talked about and wanted. I really wouldn't have done all this, without him and Him.
Everyday I thank God, mostly for what is given to me. Love, peace, joy, blessings. Even though I don't feel it all the time everyday, but everyday, I thank God.
Slowly and surely I want to walk hand in hand with him through the narrow gate.
"For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." - Matthew 7:13,14
Life is a series of tests. No one said heaven is on earth. Come what may, I want to continue my journey walking with the two men of my life. God and him. I really look forward to the day he would come to know God and meeting him face to face, knowing and loving Him wholeheartedly as I do. But to make that possible, first, the promotion =)
"..But with God all things are possible." - Matthew 19:26
Amen
It was only yesterday when I finally gave in, gave up. Thought I've reached my limit and couldn't go any further.
Someway, somehow, God made it so easy for me to come back in. Not only that, to burn that desire in my heart again, and love unconditionally like how He has taught us.
I have a soft spot and he always seems to know how to get to me on that. Regardless, I got weak and submitted to it instead of spiking him down with fury and wrath. Speaking of spiking, I should really make a point to turn up for volleyball, once a week at least. Haven't been to the Monday Mont Kiara session. Hope it's as good as Saturday's.
Even when I'm burning with anger, he can always wash me down and make me calm. I really wish it's still the same for him. I've been praying so eagerly for him to get that promotion and I really want to see it come to pass. Anytime now, I can feel it =)
Sigh. Poor baby. I just don't understand how there can be so much politics in 1 small company, within the same department? Don't these people know better? Maybe the age group working in that department needs maturity. Yet I shouldn't judge others for I am judged myself.
When he got so upset yesterday, I just wish I could fly to his side and make that pain and resentment in him disappear. I wish I am still the apple of his eyes who could only cheer him up. I want so much for him, but I can only do so little.
"Wait on the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" - Psalm 27:14
I know people always wonder how I can still continue fighting. Fighting for a cause which makes me worse off. Fighting for someone who doesn't seem to be worth it. Well, I know God has put this desire in me and has given me the strength to persevere. Most of all, I know that God is with me and he knows everything I am going through.
"He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." - Psalm 37:6
I just can't wait for the day when I can declare His mighty love and grace. I know I can do that now but it seems more meaningful and joyful for me when I have him in my arms with the knowledge that God has made all this possible and granted me the desire of my heart.
In hindsight, I'm glad this has happened. If he hasn't strayed, I won't know I love him so much to want to find him and bring him back into the light. Even when it means putting in everything and giving all I have to live on. If he hasn't wronged me, I won't know I have God's love in me to forgive and forget and love him in a way that surpasses the knowledge and limit I thought I had. If he hasn't made the mistake, I wouldn't have the courage and strength to step up, to want to restore him gently and also restoring us, which ultimately will bring our relationship to levels beyond like how we've always talked about and wanted. I really wouldn't have done all this, without him and Him.
Everyday I thank God, mostly for what is given to me. Love, peace, joy, blessings. Even though I don't feel it all the time everyday, but everyday, I thank God.
Slowly and surely I want to walk hand in hand with him through the narrow gate.
"For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." - Matthew 7:13,14
Life is a series of tests. No one said heaven is on earth. Come what may, I want to continue my journey walking with the two men of my life. God and him. I really look forward to the day he would come to know God and meeting him face to face, knowing and loving Him wholeheartedly as I do. But to make that possible, first, the promotion =)
"..But with God all things are possible." - Matthew 19:26
Amen
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