I'm becoming a mother

I've just got a child, today. Yes, it's his too. Of course right, who else would it be?

So say Hello to my little friend, Sleepy!



heehe, aint he adorable? ^^ I was really surprised when I saw him today. awwwww..so cute. =) We actually saw it at MV when we went for a movie. Well, more like he saw it when we were walking around. And he started making funny noises like 'so cute!'..'so cute!'..heehe, and kept pressing it in public and pretending his voice was the generated penguin voice. I actually thought of buying it for him but can't break the 'I won't buy you things without asking' code so didn't. Anyway, it has been a great two days. I mean, he has done more things that he hasn't been in a long while and of course, though they didn't last that long, it is enough to mean something.

Start from yesterday, he actually sms'ed me to cheer me up, saying he loves me which really surprised me because I really didn't expect him to. And then when he got home at night, we had a chat and he continued to reassure me. Even though he said he still needs more time to be sure but I have a really good feeling that he is not going to let me down. =) Well, not just me but my friends too.

Even though he didn't end up calling me this morning like he said he would, he did drop by around 5.30pm to cheer me up cos I was obviously upset with him blowing me off the whole day while he was at work. And after he tried 'tumming' me, out popped Sleepy! heehe, He got them right after work before he came to look for me. How sweet. I haven't got any gift from him in a very long while. =) He's been really nice. Really good to me and he's really starting to make me feel.. safe and special again. He hardly got mad at me anymore (except over the phone when I bug him too much). And lately, he's been making plans with me, spending more time with me which makes me really happy. =)

I know this isn't much and it's not like it's the whole day everyday but..I want to believe, slowly day after day, God is changing and renewing him, restoring him and us to be more than who we used to be.

I just want to thank God for everything he has done so far. I talked to my pastor on Sunday and first time have I confided in someone from this church and I'm really glad I have. Turns out our pastor himself was just like him, a non believer and was so against going to church. He told me he scolded his wife's friends before and made her cry for talking to him about Christianity. It's really good that I know someone who has really turned around so well for God. I don't expect him to be a pastor but at least a believer. Regardless I will continue to press on and pray. It really struck me when he said, 'it's either you love him or God loves him more than you do.' What he meant was, it's either I love him so much to want to go through all this for him or God loves him so much and sent me to go through all this for him. I just never thought that God would love him so much to do so too. I have always thought it has been me and that God is just answering my prayers. But it can be God's will too, and that He loves him so so much to send me to bless him because only I would want to go through all this for him. No matter what, I'm glad God has chosen me..and him. I just love him so.

"I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me." - Psalm 13:5-6

Thank you Lord.


*counting down to THE day: 9 more days

As I was saying..

The Lord knows.

My gosh and it was so early in the morning and He has already played the message over and over right then and there.

I was just reading the verse of the day: "..you Father knows what you need before you ask Him."- Matthew 6:8

And I was just thinking to myself..hrmnn..that's true but so far the things I've received were all being prayed for.

As I had a wedding dinner to attend just now, I started preparing what I was going to wear and what I needed to bring because I was planning to get changed at my friend's place. Suddenly thought of bringing my camera along for photo opps. But it has been awhile since I charged it so I took out the charger and switched it on. The light didn't come on. Frustrated, I tried the plug outside in the living room and again in my room. Same result. Knowing very well that the plugs work so it must be the charger.

I was horrified as it is the only thing Ive got to make it work and it'll be such a hassle if it fails. So I said a quick prayer (because I really have no idea what else I could do) before I tried another plug and decide to go ballistic if it doesn't work. Right after I switched it on, the light came on. WHAT A RELIEF!!

I know you probably think, it's just a coincidence. Well, wait for it.

If you haven't known, I have a habit of terrorizing my baby with sms, the need to know what he's doing cos I constantly have him in my head and hope it is the same for him. So it is a ritual of mine to message him in the morning to 'cheer him up' especially when he's at work. I normally do so around 8+ or 9 when I'm up. By 10.20am which is awhile after I started charging my camera battery, I was convinced that he'd reply my message and God would know how much it means for me to receive one from him and I actually didn't need to remind him to reply me (I know I sound desperate, I think I am) since I was just reading that God knows.

And guess what, instead of getting a message from him, he called! I thought, wow, he must be really free at work and I was so glad when he did. Surprised actually. Picked it up and he asked what I was doing. Nothing and he said, ok, let's go out. Found out that he took a sickie and he wanted to spend it with me! awwww..*melt. I jumped for joy as he asked me to get ready and we'd go out for a movie! yay! so happy cos it is very seldom that I didn't need to remind him like 10 times that I wanted to watch a particular movie with him. More like hustling him to watch it with me. =)))))))))))

And so we did. I have the best time today with him even though it means ditching my girls to be with him. But it was so worth it. And we ran into my ex and his girlfriend which really caught me off guard. I was so dumbfounded I didn't know what to do but yea, I'm glad he was with me. =)))))

I can't wait for the Lord to continue encouraging me, day after day to keep rejoicing because He is the Lord Almighty who can! =)))

I really can't wait for everything to be unraveled and all of us(especially him) can see the goodness of His love and will draw near to Him so much that he changes his heart and direction to follow Him.

Lord knows how much I love him. Everyday I want to tell him that. Everyday I want to be close to him and Him. I'm never gonna let anyone come between me and Him, not even him, but I'd really love it if God is between me and him, to teach and coach us to be a better and stronger couple in Jesus' name.

Thank you Lord for a wonderful day. =) I'm so full. So full of your love and grace.
Thank you.

*hugs*

He is Good

All the time.

They never said that being a christian will guarantee us a perfect and stress free life. They never said that if you have Jesus who walks beside you and who also dwell in your heart, you'll never have worries or sorrows. But the relationship you have with Him with be stronger and closer.

The past few days have been crazy. Even crazier roller coaster days and even more extreme feelings. I know we still have a long way to go and judging from the strength of my heart recently, I really doubt how long and how far I can go and how deep and how wide is my love. But everytime something happens that stretches me so thin, I would start crying out to Him because I really don't know what else I can do. I keep reminding myself of what I read recently:

"Sorrow looks back.
Worry looks around.
Faith looks up."

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." - Hebrews 12:2

I have little hope left. But I know I'll be able to pull through if He is with me. So far, He has been good to me and been showing me wonders by making things work out unexpectedly when I thought all was gone and hopeless. Today is going to be another day where I'd need him to continue 'making' my day. I don't know how things will go but I sincerely pray that it will be another good day just like the ones before for He has shown himself unto me of the goodness He has done in my life.

"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise...He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." - 2 Peter 3:9

I can't wait for the day where all His promises are fulfilled. Until then I will continue to thank Him for making things how they are and will be.

Amen.