Still

Today's one of the days that I enjoy my freedom as an unemployed to the fullest of it by abusing the time in my hands and spending it doing nothing. No car, no credit and all I have is the internet, Astro and some old books which I have yet to finish reading. Lots I can do it seems. FB is running dry on me since I have a habit of only checking out 1 person's profile but even that is inaccessible to me now. So its only bejeweled 2.

*humming..
"You go before me, You shield my way, Your hand upholds me, I know You love me..
At the cross I bow my knee, where Your blood once shed for me. There's no greater love than this..
You have overcome the grave, Your glory fills the highest place, what can separate me now..
You tore the veil, You made a way, when You said that it is done.."

I love days like this where I can just praise the Lord at the expense of my own time. Sigh..dont know how things will be when I start working. Will i still have time to be this devoted? If there's a will, there's a way right? But people tend to get lazy and start to take things for granted and forget what is important when they're blessed for they do not see what they're missing pass the contentment and comfort they have. Hrmm..I guess we'll see.

Interview this Thursday and I don't even have my attire ready. Wanted to go shopping but no car. Could go gym but physically incapable now. Hrmm..so what else can I do?

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." - Psalm 37:4

So delight I shall. and be still and calm.
"Be still, and know that I am God" - Psalm 46:10.
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" - Exodus 14:14. which reminds me that I am still in the battle. Hrmn, thought I won't bug him today. Guess good to try to be more independent. It's not that I don't miss him, I'm just not used to not being able to hear his voice or hear from him everyday so Im learning to get used to how things are now. It's not like it hasn't been like this, I guess I just really miss how good things were before and wish it's like how it was. I know if I trust in Him, it'll be like last time and more. So yea..just be still.=)

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:13

And I do love him. No matter what he does to me.

I just want to continue praising God for all that He's given me. I know it's funny how I can still be this peaceful and loving when I shouldn't be. But, it's all the Lord I suppose. I'm not worried. "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want." - Psalm 23:1. It's not like there's nothing which I want. I do. I want him to be closer and drawing nearer to me. But it's out of my hands and I have committed this relationship into His so I will let Him deal with it.

He will come around. You'll see. =)


Thank you Lord.
Amen.

What doesn't kill you

Makes you stronger?

I'd like to believe that.

What do you do when people give you shit? The general reaction would be double that to the person who abused you in the first place. Not only didn't I do that despite my horrible temper, I offered my own face to be slapped willingly and did it with a smile on my face. It wasn't easy. Not at all but I did it anyway.

It hurts me so to know the person I love the most has wronged me. But it hurts me even more when that person knowingly lie about things and then blamed me for being very difficult to be honest with when confronted. Don't you get that a lot? Well, I do.

It's not fair. Not at all. But, fair doesn't solve the issue at hand. Getting your justice won't make the person understand his mistakes and repent. Forgiveness doesn't come freely. To be forgiven you must ask for forgiveness in the first place. I guess I have a bad habit of forgiving people even before they apologize. This consequently encouraged selfishness and insensitivity. Plus that with stress, you've got a bomb on a ticking clock. Anything you do that heats up the temperature a bit and it'll explode right in your face. All this is my fault as I ticked off the bomb by exposing the truth which is hard to handle (else why lie in the first place), right?? Right?

That's how the person sees it anyway. But like my sister told me, this is not the time to find fault and point fingers. If my honesty, truth and confrontation approach is not working then fine, I guess I'll just have to stop it. It doesn't matter who or how you are, it's how you deal with what and how people are.

I'll still stand by you. No matter what or how you have changed into. You're so hurted by the world that you've taken it out on me. But it's ok. "If someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently..Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." - Galatians 6:1-2

I'm wounded but I'll heal. He who is faithful is with me and will carry me. But you, you don't have anyone else but yourself. It hurts me to see you like this. Not of pity, but of love. Love which was given by God himself. "..Since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." - 1 John 4:11-12

And I will love you. I know I always say you're pushing my limit which you are. But I can only continue to pray for God to keep reminding me of His will and strengthening me at the same time.

I really want to see the day you make it. And then I can proclaim "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13. So as long as I can help it, I will push through and soldier on. "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." - Exodus 14:14