sick

Woke up with phlegm blocking my nose. I know my throat is going down next. I can feel it being sore.

Not only do I feel groggy where my lungs seem to be slightly congested, my heart seems to struggle with the pumping.

I feel it. I feel it again.

The feeling that even though he's still with me, even though he does have acts of showing love and trying, he's still not who or how he is. I know him. I'm hurt by the knowledge of how he used to be with me. How he used to treat me and couldn't get enough of me. I don't ask of that but at least a sms a day or a call when he does miss me will really reassure me of how he really feels. On top of that, the knowledge that he's still the same in regards to fighting for what he wants with her case, makes me realize that he's not putting in any effort in me at all.

I feel..sad. Sad that certain things can't be helped. I can only leave all this to Him, Him who has power to do anything. Lord, I can't do this. Please turn him around for me, I can't do it anymore. I can't stick around anymore and trying my best. I can't. Please make him now.

I'm not ready to say goodbye. But if it is your will, that'll leave me no choice. I just really pray that this is not the end. Lord, that I have not fought for nothing. Something I believe in so firmly, can't be just a pile of dust. Please fix it, for me. I can't seem to reach him.

Thank you Lord.