briefly read through my last post. It has been nearly a month and I'm still at the same position.
sigh.
but I guess it doesn't matter anymore. Doesn't matter how much he has hurted me or crossed the line. How many small menial things we can bicker over. End of the day, we're stuck together.
Guess I want soooo much more out of this relationship and that is the biggest problem. He hasn't any problem with it apart from my complaints and demands. Too frequent, too often, too soon. And time and time again I keep asking myself and God if this is worth it, if this is what I want, if this is what He wants. Other people haven't mattered THAT much even though they do contribute to my worries and constant insecure rants. I guess all the hurts, flaws and imperfections don't really do anything in steering us away from the status quo. And I really wonder when and how this can all change. If it does, will it be because of me? or will it be due to a third party?
I don't think if it does it will be because of him cos hey, he is far from perfect and anything he can do to screw up enough (though there could be more) has already been covered. sigh. I dont think I can ever get over him. unless of course there is another to ease the pain. o wells.
Work officially starts next week. I so can't wait but then again, I'm too comfortable and too used to not doing anything productive. Can I still contribute to society or even to my own household?
Sigh. regardless of how things work out, I really pray that I can stay true through out all of it. That God can be my witness that I have done everything with the best intentions and that it is to be closer to the truth as I know and believe it. Obviously, this path hasn't been easy. Even the righteous ones have misunderstood me but I know God will reveal the truth and give me the justice I know I deserve for I have done nothing against His will and spirit. They can blame and condemn me but I know what good can they see when they have dirt in their eyes.
I know I am easily mistaken but things are always not like how they are seen. "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." - 2 Corinthians 6:10
Through hardships, I know I will break free at last, standing tall and firm amongst the rest.
Thank you Lord for your strength.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
i can't take it
not anymore.
So funny. right after the last post, things IMMEDIATELY took a down fall. Found out more things from the past. Yes they were in the past but still..it hurts to know. Hurts to know he's so..unfaithful..and what a good liar.
Still I agreed with him, those were in the past, mistakes he made before he promised to never happen again. So I let it slide once more.
Then my fears came true. More troubles stirred us and I struggled so hard to hold on to him, lift him high even though I sink low. I thought he'd reach down once he has surfaced from what's closing him in, but..his efforts are poor and I remain drown.
I can't do this anymore..I don't like that I'm dying, in and out because of him. Im so wounded, so incomplete that..I don't think I should be expecting anyone else to fill my holes especially when I'm trying so hard to fill his. I'm tired. Worn out. Empty on love. I've tried so hard to solve his issues even when the problems are not mine. I've minded his business and also others, hoping I could help him(them) out, being the nosy and oh-let's-do-the-best-i-can-though-i-face-a-huge-risk-of-being-disliked-cos-who-knows-i-might-change-people-and-how-they-see-me-and-what-makes-me. Big mistake there. I hate being Ms. Nice & Eager to Please Everyone. oh GOD (pun non intended), why does it have to be so hard being good? Why should I care huh?
I'm damaged and let down beyond repair. And I ran away by leaving a sms. hah. can't wait to see his response (if any). We're sooooo over these and..none of us have any patience and hope left. Not surprised if I will not hear from him.
In fury, I decided to write down the faults and why this relationship is way past its expiry date:
1. He's no longer sensitive to my needs and feelings
Everything is about him. him him him. His problems. His issues. His stress. His work. His friends. Everyday he's tired. and moody. and forgetful. He doesn't have the time to stop and smell me, to care about me. To be sensitive enough to know what I like or want or need. After every argument and confrontation followed by apologies, he'd ask: "so what do you want me to do?". Most of the time in anger. And I just can't be bothered telling him anymore. Cos end of the day, it'll be what III want and he just can't deliver it
2. He takes me for granted
Naturally this follows. If my love and contributions in his life equates his then this relationship can still work out because we're balanced. But, my time, my money, my sacrifices, my thoughts, my heart are slowly deemed as lost cause on this one way street. *sigh* I've done sooooo much for him. All I ask for are things that he is capable of. I know too well myself to not set targets and expectations that are unreachable. But these, it was so easily done before. Why so difficult now when it comes to me? Me who deserves so much more because of what I have given him. It's unfair. and draining me.
3. We're incompatible
He's not what I want, but what my heart has settled for. He can never please me. Not because he can't do it but because he just doesn't know how. Not anymore. He used to, so much. But, these things can't be taught. Not even if its guided by me. I gave him so much help but as long as it doesn't come from the heart, his heart, it's as good as undone. When there's a will there is a way. If you keep feeding a lion, one day it'll forget how to hunt. I suppose I have spoonfed him so much that has led him to reason #2.
4. Once a liar, always a liar
I have forgiven and forgotten, until I'm reminded. I have a soft spot for him. So it is obvious that I'd give in. But time and time again, he's hurted me. I don't believe that eternal condemnation is necessary as long as that person has vowed to change. I do believe in second chances and I really want to have that hope in people especially those that I love. However, it seems to me that his weaknesses/faults are something..non improvable. Instead of being attitudes that can be changed, they seem more like personality that sticks. I'm a stubborn girl and I will always be stubborn. Traits like this don't come and go overnight, even in a year. I mean, if he does show that he's trying, of course I'd encourage it. But, he's still holding on to that ciggy with no substantial plan of quitting.
5. He's not a Christian
Need I say more?
*sigh* I don't think I can continue anymore. i just hope God will take care of the rest for me and solve it without breaking my heart further.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." - Proverbs 4:23
Thank you Lord for everything. I'm sorry that I've let you down and can't persevere like Jesus in loving someone.
So funny. right after the last post, things IMMEDIATELY took a down fall. Found out more things from the past. Yes they were in the past but still..it hurts to know. Hurts to know he's so..unfaithful..and what a good liar.
Still I agreed with him, those were in the past, mistakes he made before he promised to never happen again. So I let it slide once more.
Then my fears came true. More troubles stirred us and I struggled so hard to hold on to him, lift him high even though I sink low. I thought he'd reach down once he has surfaced from what's closing him in, but..his efforts are poor and I remain drown.
I can't do this anymore..I don't like that I'm dying, in and out because of him. Im so wounded, so incomplete that..I don't think I should be expecting anyone else to fill my holes especially when I'm trying so hard to fill his. I'm tired. Worn out. Empty on love. I've tried so hard to solve his issues even when the problems are not mine. I've minded his business and also others, hoping I could help him(them) out, being the nosy and oh-let's-do-the-best-i-can-though-i-face-a-huge-risk-of-being-disliked-cos-who-knows-i-might-change-people-and-how-they-see-me-and-what-makes-me. Big mistake there. I hate being Ms. Nice & Eager to Please Everyone. oh GOD (pun non intended), why does it have to be so hard being good? Why should I care huh?
I'm damaged and let down beyond repair. And I ran away by leaving a sms. hah. can't wait to see his response (if any). We're sooooo over these and..none of us have any patience and hope left. Not surprised if I will not hear from him.
In fury, I decided to write down the faults and why this relationship is way past its expiry date:
1. He's no longer sensitive to my needs and feelings
Everything is about him. him him him. His problems. His issues. His stress. His work. His friends. Everyday he's tired. and moody. and forgetful. He doesn't have the time to stop and smell me, to care about me. To be sensitive enough to know what I like or want or need. After every argument and confrontation followed by apologies, he'd ask: "so what do you want me to do?". Most of the time in anger. And I just can't be bothered telling him anymore. Cos end of the day, it'll be what III want and he just can't deliver it
2. He takes me for granted
Naturally this follows. If my love and contributions in his life equates his then this relationship can still work out because we're balanced. But, my time, my money, my sacrifices, my thoughts, my heart are slowly deemed as lost cause on this one way street. *sigh* I've done sooooo much for him. All I ask for are things that he is capable of. I know too well myself to not set targets and expectations that are unreachable. But these, it was so easily done before. Why so difficult now when it comes to me? Me who deserves so much more because of what I have given him. It's unfair. and draining me.
3. We're incompatible
He's not what I want, but what my heart has settled for. He can never please me. Not because he can't do it but because he just doesn't know how. Not anymore. He used to, so much. But, these things can't be taught. Not even if its guided by me. I gave him so much help but as long as it doesn't come from the heart, his heart, it's as good as undone. When there's a will there is a way. If you keep feeding a lion, one day it'll forget how to hunt. I suppose I have spoonfed him so much that has led him to reason #2.
4. Once a liar, always a liar
I have forgiven and forgotten, until I'm reminded. I have a soft spot for him. So it is obvious that I'd give in. But time and time again, he's hurted me. I don't believe that eternal condemnation is necessary as long as that person has vowed to change. I do believe in second chances and I really want to have that hope in people especially those that I love. However, it seems to me that his weaknesses/faults are something..non improvable. Instead of being attitudes that can be changed, they seem more like personality that sticks. I'm a stubborn girl and I will always be stubborn. Traits like this don't come and go overnight, even in a year. I mean, if he does show that he's trying, of course I'd encourage it. But, he's still holding on to that ciggy with no substantial plan of quitting.
5. He's not a Christian
Need I say more?
*sigh* I don't think I can continue anymore. i just hope God will take care of the rest for me and solve it without breaking my heart further.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." - Proverbs 4:23
Thank you Lord for everything. I'm sorry that I've let you down and can't persevere like Jesus in loving someone.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
silence
it's been 2 weeks since that incident.
heartbreak number three?
i've lost count.
Things were crazy that week. We fought each and everyday. It felt like the lowest again where I threw my heart at him and he threw his back. Driving each other to the edge is seriously no fun. *sigh* but I suppose you can say we got through it. I did warn him though, 1 more strike and I'm out.
Since then, he hasn't done anything that is out of line. Which is good but scary cos I really don't know when he's going to do it to me again or if he's ever going to. Things are going well. So well that I really don't know when the storm will hit and tear us apart. Because I know when it does come, it will be destructive and right down unamendable.
*sigh* I know I should always trust in the Lord to provide the best. But I'm so scared that this is not it. Clearly this relationship is full of faults and holes. Everytime we do argue, it only shows the weaknesses in our relationship and how fragile it is.
The wise man builds his house upon a rock. And it seems like ours is on sand. Attended a friend's wedding and their reception was beautiful. Beautiful for the fact that they had their church friends to support them, their pastors to give a message and pray for them, marriage counselling that will help build them and their family. But most importantly, the fact that God is present in their hearts, relationship and their home just makes me want to cry. That is the kind of life I want, the kind of relationship I want. And I really wonder if I can ever be like that.
Will God turn things around in my life? Does He have to change the people involved as in change the picture completely? Or just transform and mould them into the desired shapes and characteristics? I love the people who are in my life now and I really hope and pray that they'll come to know God. Isn't that what God wants us to do? Our purpose here is to lead people to Him. And I really pray that they will come into His light soon and walk on His path forevermore.
Sigh..now..I'm just waiting. Waiting for the storm to come. It feels so quiet. I just hope I can see it coming so it doesn't throw me off the board again and make me struggle to survive. Swim or drown. Why does life have to be so hard? Can't I have a little peace? I'm a good worker. So please..cut me some slack alright, Lord?
*hugs* thanks for everything.
heartbreak number three?
i've lost count.
Things were crazy that week. We fought each and everyday. It felt like the lowest again where I threw my heart at him and he threw his back. Driving each other to the edge is seriously no fun. *sigh* but I suppose you can say we got through it. I did warn him though, 1 more strike and I'm out.
Since then, he hasn't done anything that is out of line. Which is good but scary cos I really don't know when he's going to do it to me again or if he's ever going to. Things are going well. So well that I really don't know when the storm will hit and tear us apart. Because I know when it does come, it will be destructive and right down unamendable.
*sigh* I know I should always trust in the Lord to provide the best. But I'm so scared that this is not it. Clearly this relationship is full of faults and holes. Everytime we do argue, it only shows the weaknesses in our relationship and how fragile it is.
The wise man builds his house upon a rock. And it seems like ours is on sand. Attended a friend's wedding and their reception was beautiful. Beautiful for the fact that they had their church friends to support them, their pastors to give a message and pray for them, marriage counselling that will help build them and their family. But most importantly, the fact that God is present in their hearts, relationship and their home just makes me want to cry. That is the kind of life I want, the kind of relationship I want. And I really wonder if I can ever be like that.
Will God turn things around in my life? Does He have to change the people involved as in change the picture completely? Or just transform and mould them into the desired shapes and characteristics? I love the people who are in my life now and I really hope and pray that they'll come to know God. Isn't that what God wants us to do? Our purpose here is to lead people to Him. And I really pray that they will come into His light soon and walk on His path forevermore.
Sigh..now..I'm just waiting. Waiting for the storm to come. It feels so quiet. I just hope I can see it coming so it doesn't throw me off the board again and make me struggle to survive. Swim or drown. Why does life have to be so hard? Can't I have a little peace? I'm a good worker. So please..cut me some slack alright, Lord?
*hugs* thanks for everything.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Happy the 13th
It's the time of the month again. The 13th. Not like it's THE day but it does help me in capturing time.
A month ago, he ended it with her and was trying out with me.
A month before that, he was trying out with her and I was put on standby.
Another month before that, he ended it with me and was officially with her.
The month before, he was trying out with me and her at the same time.
And the one before, he was still officially with me.
*sigh* everytime I look back, it hurts. It makes me fearful of the future, of what is to come. Fear that the same thing will happen again. Fear that he'll wander off and go back to her again. I know there's no right or wrong in this and even if they do have feelings for each other and ultimately decide to be together, I am in no means to be in their way.
The past few months have been so crazy and volatile. I know with this new year, it promises change and a new beginning, an end to all the bad things, but..will they really stay in the past?
I am with him now. For sure. Well, technically yes. We've even locked ourselves in for a holiday to Krabi in April. This is a huge commitment as it ties us down financially too for the next few months. Maybe with all the pressure from work and adaptation to the new lifestyle, we both still need more time to connect. It feels like we still need to work on us more because even though we seem like a steady couple who've been together for 3 years, I personally still feel that we're on thin ice. I strongly feel we need bigger and more fiery flames. Something that'll not only make us look OK but help us feel right. And I can't think of anything else but God who can make that possible.
I've read through my recent posts and I can't help but having to remind myself that this is still God's will. That what I am going through now, is a blessing from God and that God still wants me to work on him. Yes, I must admit I have doubts that he obviously chose the wrong girl but I suppose, we both need more time. I must continue to press on and pray. Pray that whatever he tells me is true. Pray that he does feel what he says and admits and that he has been honest and true in his words. Not only that, he has been righteous in his thoughts and his intentions and sincerely trying hard to build this relationship with me.
I love him. Everytime I get upset or discouraged, the thought of how I feel towards him makes me go weak and I'd just give in. I'd just surrender to fighting, to finding faults, to doubting him and instead hope and pray for the best, for him, for us. I really want this to work Lord and I don't know how. I want both of our careers to be a gift from you. I want us to be able to collaborate our time, our careers, our lifestyle and be able to meet each other half way all the time. That we'll be able to find a balance in everything we do, the people we hang out with, the things we want to achieve. I pray Lord that you'll guide our hearts in making every decisions so we will not be selfish and overlook another's feelings or needs. Please also give us wisdom in our thoughts so we can always find the best solutions for everything we do. Not only for us but also for the benefit of the people around us namely our family and friends. Lord, help the both of us to be great examples to the people we meet Lord, to be a good couple that people will notice the presence you have in our lives. I know we're only starting out in this new gang but I pray Lord that you make our presence be significant and worthy. Life changing and influential.
"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of Him." - 1 John 5:14-15
Thank you Lord for everything you have done in our lives. For continuing to shower your love and mercy on us. For helping me fight my fears and answer my prayers when all hopes seemed to be lost. Thank you for being with me through it all. Thank you.
Amen.
A month ago, he ended it with her and was trying out with me.
A month before that, he was trying out with her and I was put on standby.
Another month before that, he ended it with me and was officially with her.
The month before, he was trying out with me and her at the same time.
And the one before, he was still officially with me.
*sigh* everytime I look back, it hurts. It makes me fearful of the future, of what is to come. Fear that the same thing will happen again. Fear that he'll wander off and go back to her again. I know there's no right or wrong in this and even if they do have feelings for each other and ultimately decide to be together, I am in no means to be in their way.
The past few months have been so crazy and volatile. I know with this new year, it promises change and a new beginning, an end to all the bad things, but..will they really stay in the past?
I am with him now. For sure. Well, technically yes. We've even locked ourselves in for a holiday to Krabi in April. This is a huge commitment as it ties us down financially too for the next few months. Maybe with all the pressure from work and adaptation to the new lifestyle, we both still need more time to connect. It feels like we still need to work on us more because even though we seem like a steady couple who've been together for 3 years, I personally still feel that we're on thin ice. I strongly feel we need bigger and more fiery flames. Something that'll not only make us look OK but help us feel right. And I can't think of anything else but God who can make that possible.
I've read through my recent posts and I can't help but having to remind myself that this is still God's will. That what I am going through now, is a blessing from God and that God still wants me to work on him. Yes, I must admit I have doubts that he obviously chose the wrong girl but I suppose, we both need more time. I must continue to press on and pray. Pray that whatever he tells me is true. Pray that he does feel what he says and admits and that he has been honest and true in his words. Not only that, he has been righteous in his thoughts and his intentions and sincerely trying hard to build this relationship with me.
I love him. Everytime I get upset or discouraged, the thought of how I feel towards him makes me go weak and I'd just give in. I'd just surrender to fighting, to finding faults, to doubting him and instead hope and pray for the best, for him, for us. I really want this to work Lord and I don't know how. I want both of our careers to be a gift from you. I want us to be able to collaborate our time, our careers, our lifestyle and be able to meet each other half way all the time. That we'll be able to find a balance in everything we do, the people we hang out with, the things we want to achieve. I pray Lord that you'll guide our hearts in making every decisions so we will not be selfish and overlook another's feelings or needs. Please also give us wisdom in our thoughts so we can always find the best solutions for everything we do. Not only for us but also for the benefit of the people around us namely our family and friends. Lord, help the both of us to be great examples to the people we meet Lord, to be a good couple that people will notice the presence you have in our lives. I know we're only starting out in this new gang but I pray Lord that you make our presence be significant and worthy. Life changing and influential.
"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of Him." - 1 John 5:14-15
Thank you Lord for everything you have done in our lives. For continuing to shower your love and mercy on us. For helping me fight my fears and answer my prayers when all hopes seemed to be lost. Thank you for being with me through it all. Thank you.
Amen.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
sick
Woke up with phlegm blocking my nose. I know my throat is going down next. I can feel it being sore.
Not only do I feel groggy where my lungs seem to be slightly congested, my heart seems to struggle with the pumping.
I feel it. I feel it again.
The feeling that even though he's still with me, even though he does have acts of showing love and trying, he's still not who or how he is. I know him. I'm hurt by the knowledge of how he used to be with me. How he used to treat me and couldn't get enough of me. I don't ask of that but at least a sms a day or a call when he does miss me will really reassure me of how he really feels. On top of that, the knowledge that he's still the same in regards to fighting for what he wants with her case, makes me realize that he's not putting in any effort in me at all.
I feel..sad. Sad that certain things can't be helped. I can only leave all this to Him, Him who has power to do anything. Lord, I can't do this. Please turn him around for me, I can't do it anymore. I can't stick around anymore and trying my best. I can't. Please make him now.
I'm not ready to say goodbye. But if it is your will, that'll leave me no choice. I just really pray that this is not the end. Lord, that I have not fought for nothing. Something I believe in so firmly, can't be just a pile of dust. Please fix it, for me. I can't seem to reach him.
Thank you Lord.
Not only do I feel groggy where my lungs seem to be slightly congested, my heart seems to struggle with the pumping.
I feel it. I feel it again.
The feeling that even though he's still with me, even though he does have acts of showing love and trying, he's still not who or how he is. I know him. I'm hurt by the knowledge of how he used to be with me. How he used to treat me and couldn't get enough of me. I don't ask of that but at least a sms a day or a call when he does miss me will really reassure me of how he really feels. On top of that, the knowledge that he's still the same in regards to fighting for what he wants with her case, makes me realize that he's not putting in any effort in me at all.
I feel..sad. Sad that certain things can't be helped. I can only leave all this to Him, Him who has power to do anything. Lord, I can't do this. Please turn him around for me, I can't do it anymore. I can't stick around anymore and trying my best. I can't. Please make him now.
I'm not ready to say goodbye. But if it is your will, that'll leave me no choice. I just really pray that this is not the end. Lord, that I have not fought for nothing. Something I believe in so firmly, can't be just a pile of dust. Please fix it, for me. I can't seem to reach him.
Thank you Lord.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
It's a start..
In the beginning, there was God.
Now, He's still here.
Happy New Year everyone. =) 2010 is finally here. What a long wait it has been.
2009 was quite a bad year for me. I'm glad to put it behind now and look forward to what this year will bring. Also, what I can bring to the year and people around me.
Looking through FB, I feel so much at peace knowing that I am getting to know his friends. Not only do they seem like a wonderful bunch of people, they really are. I suppose I understand why he's so keen on being a part of that clique. I myself am trying to get in too. =)
What amazes me the most are the couples in the gang. Their relationships among and between them are really what I look forward to building and having with him. I really hope we can turn out to be like them too.
New Year's Eve and New Year's Day were indeed great. I just wished I could have had the 3rd continuous celebration moments with them too. I know things are still not steady and perfect between me and him but I'm really hoping for it to stabilize as time passes.
Tests of patience and love and everything that pushes my limits are constantly faced. Every now and then I'll be gasping for air and crying out to the Lord if this is what I'm meant to do. I know that after all the due dates and stages, I should know better to be certain. But it really tests my sanity and temper everytime something stirs the peace. I know I could have done things differently but regardless, I will still stand firm and face the devil of whatever he attempts to throw at us in order to break us down and I will continue to hold on to the Lord for power, strength and peace.
First time since I got back that I have missed a Sunday of church. =( *sigh. And it is also the first this year! Let's pray it really is the last too. I hope they won't schedule their badmintons on Sunday mornings. It's only the first week of 2010. 51 to go.
Lord, I pray for your neverending mercy and grace, your unfailing love and faithfulness. I pray that you'll continue to work on us, to strengthen us, to build our relationships with each other and with you. I continue to pray for that vision, the vision of him being saved to really come to pass. Lord, I pray that you'll continue to be with him, to ensure that he's in your light always and that he will not stray into the darkness anymore. I pray that you keep his lips and ways righteous and pure, his heart and mind free of evil thoughts and intentions, and above it all, he will come to his senses so that he'll repent of his past sins and really change into someone better this year. Lord, be with him, be bold with him. Be a strict parent and not give him anymore opportunity to wander off. Lord, help me guard this sheep of yours and never let him out of your sight. "For the thief comes only to steal kill and destroy; You have come that he may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10
Lord, I will continue to hold still and be steadfast for you are with me. I know it is only the beginning and it is a long to go. So please fill me up should I become dry and weak.
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." - Galatians 6:9
Thank you Lord, thank you for a wonderful year.
Now, He's still here.
Happy New Year everyone. =) 2010 is finally here. What a long wait it has been.
2009 was quite a bad year for me. I'm glad to put it behind now and look forward to what this year will bring. Also, what I can bring to the year and people around me.
Looking through FB, I feel so much at peace knowing that I am getting to know his friends. Not only do they seem like a wonderful bunch of people, they really are. I suppose I understand why he's so keen on being a part of that clique. I myself am trying to get in too. =)
What amazes me the most are the couples in the gang. Their relationships among and between them are really what I look forward to building and having with him. I really hope we can turn out to be like them too.
New Year's Eve and New Year's Day were indeed great. I just wished I could have had the 3rd continuous celebration moments with them too. I know things are still not steady and perfect between me and him but I'm really hoping for it to stabilize as time passes.
Tests of patience and love and everything that pushes my limits are constantly faced. Every now and then I'll be gasping for air and crying out to the Lord if this is what I'm meant to do. I know that after all the due dates and stages, I should know better to be certain. But it really tests my sanity and temper everytime something stirs the peace. I know I could have done things differently but regardless, I will still stand firm and face the devil of whatever he attempts to throw at us in order to break us down and I will continue to hold on to the Lord for power, strength and peace.
First time since I got back that I have missed a Sunday of church. =( *sigh. And it is also the first this year! Let's pray it really is the last too. I hope they won't schedule their badmintons on Sunday mornings. It's only the first week of 2010. 51 to go.
Lord, I pray for your neverending mercy and grace, your unfailing love and faithfulness. I pray that you'll continue to work on us, to strengthen us, to build our relationships with each other and with you. I continue to pray for that vision, the vision of him being saved to really come to pass. Lord, I pray that you'll continue to be with him, to ensure that he's in your light always and that he will not stray into the darkness anymore. I pray that you keep his lips and ways righteous and pure, his heart and mind free of evil thoughts and intentions, and above it all, he will come to his senses so that he'll repent of his past sins and really change into someone better this year. Lord, be with him, be bold with him. Be a strict parent and not give him anymore opportunity to wander off. Lord, help me guard this sheep of yours and never let him out of your sight. "For the thief comes only to steal kill and destroy; You have come that he may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10
Lord, I will continue to hold still and be steadfast for you are with me. I know it is only the beginning and it is a long to go. So please fill me up should I become dry and weak.
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." - Galatians 6:9
Thank you Lord, thank you for a wonderful year.
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